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Monthly Archives: January 2012

Drums Through The Wall

He was born in July, like a new star in the sky,

He announced his arrival with a sharp little cry.

His brothers and sisters were all big and grown,

His dad had moved out but wasn’t far from his home.

He grew up in a street, surrounded by friends,

With flowers and wind chimes and rainbows and hens.

Spencer Street was a great place to be,

He just wished that still there lived his family.

The neighbours all loved him as their own,

Sheila next door used to come round and phone.

And like her own son, she had to sometimes scold,

But she did so gently so he understood what she told.

“You’re drumming is getting better”, she said gently one eve,

“And you very good, but sometimes people need to sleep”.

“Carry on with your drumming and you can be a star,

“But I don’t want to hear you through the wall, I want to watch you from afar.”

So he kept quiet with the drums, and soon the cat came near,

You see the cat didn’t like noise and cowered in fear.

Soon he and the cat were as close as could be,

They played on the carpet and danced on the settee.


You wouldn’t think it possible, but there was one time,

That boy and cat came together to dine.

Mum put cubes of cheese in a bowl on the floor,

And he knelt with the cat and ate with mouth but no paws.

A few years later, he wasn’t a child alone

For his siblings were having kids of their own.

Now there were lots of them toddling around,

Having picnics in the park and crawling on the ground.

So after feeling like he was born to late,

Who would have thought it but there came fate.

And his the siblings who he wanted to grow up around,

Had some babies of their own who with he could bound.

A family is not just brothers and sisters,

It can be nieces and nephews and misses and misters.

It’s whoever you want for and care for and live for,

Or those who you sit on the ground with and want nothing more.


Breaking Up is Fun to Do

Love and romance.  Marriage and love.  Love and thick-drizzling-syrup-sweetness that would ruin that fluffy teddy bear and probably the embroidered cushion that it sits next to.  Boo hoo.  But why all the celebrations?  Even the Disney pooches, Lady and the Tramp romance each other over a candlelit bowl of spaghetti.  But we all know what happens when you get used to the amorous atmosphere; the wining, the dining, the surprise trips to Paris, the one-knee serenades from the pavement after too many Chablis and the (sing it with me) “getting to know yoooou, getting to know all about yoooou!”  Just when you’re getting used to walking through the park, hand in hand with your beloved, stopping to smell the daffs, BAM! It’s all over before you know it. And what is there left to celebrate? Your birthday’s not for another 8 months, your best friend’s gone around the world; even your Mother has upped sticks. She’s gone to Barbados with her boyfriend. Cheers Mum.


So now it’s all over, what to do? Sit listening to Phil Collins, crying into your pillow and tearing up the cinema tickets you kept as momentos of your dates?  Yick, you did that?  Eat your family-sized chocolate bar feelings, seven bags of crisps, three packets of angel delight, a block of cheese and a black forest gateaux? Or do smash some plates (gifts from his Mother), pick yourself up off the bathroom floor and celebrate your lucky escape; after all, who wants to spend the rest of their life with someone who doesn’t like spicy food? Now what?  Well, here are some ideas to start you off.


Have your cake and eat it

After spending hours thinking about your perfect wedding cake, it’s time to take the hypothetical trip back to the caterers (or real trip if it got that far!)  One caterer in particular is worth paying a visit.  Specialising in occasion cakes, Fay Millar of Pink Rose Cakes, Brighton designs special “divorce cakes” for newly single men and women for their separation celebrations. And what better excuse for a party? Created to encourage a positive attitude to a failed relationship or give you the giggles if nothing else.  And if laughter is the best medicine, then what better cure for a broken heart then a comic cake and a good old shin-dig.

Dance the pain away

Whilst most break-up guides will encourage you to get yourself down the gym/park/stairs for some vigorous exercise, the idea of furious running before falling on the floor a quavering pile of jelly or attacking a punchbag because you’re imagining it’s your ex, doesn’t seem that healthy.  Instead try dancing around the house to feel good music.  You don’t need to leave the house and it’s free.  With dancing releasing the same amount of endorphins as eating a chocolate bar, put down the Dairy Milk and get a-grooving. 80’s pop is the best; when you hear it, you just won’t be able to make your feet behave.  Plus, George Micheal won’t break your heart.

Send a Valentine’s/Engagement/Wedding card

Whether you’re a friend of a divorcee/seperatee or said divorcee/seperatee, then why not send fun and joy in a card, after all, the pen is mightier than the sword. With the idea that “life is too short to be bitter”, Dastardly Yours have developed a range of divorce cards for “everyone with an ex”.  Set up by two, recently divorced ladies (apart from ‘H’ we have no clue to their identity), Dastardly Yours was created when they met online when looking for “help-my-husband’s-gone-mad” advice.

So instead of feeling sad and hurt, GET IT ALL OUT and send a card that makes light of the situation. In a kind of dark way. And no matter how much you may want to; do NOT get drunk and dial. This will undo ALL the good work you have done and the good feelings you have acclaimed. Put DOWN the phone, drink some water and go to bed.